


The Sleuth in the Hat

by DaisyFairy



Category: DR. SEUSS - Works, Sherlock (TV), Sherlock Holmes & Related Fandoms
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Gen, I'm Sorry, Sherlock is the Cat in the Hat
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-07
Updated: 2016-04-07
Packaged: 2018-05-31 20:10:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,538
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6485821
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DaisyFairy/pseuds/DaisyFairy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sherlock is the Cat in the Hat.<br/>Well, you all know that story.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Sleuth in the Hat

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ChrisCalledMeSweetie](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChrisCalledMeSweetie/gifts).



> So, ChrisCalledMesweetie, after our messages yesterday this happened. I don't need sleep anyway.
> 
> Sherlock is The Cat in the Hat, and, well, here it is :-)
> 
> Oh, the "I" is supposed to be John.

Greg and I were in the office that day,

Our consulting detective had gone away.

So we sat in the office

On that long boring day.

 

I sat there with Greg,

We sat there we two.

And I said “How lovely it is

We have nothing to do!”

 

No robbers to catch

And no one causing a brawl.

So we sat in the office

We did nothing at all.

 

So we went to the pub to

Sit!

            Sit!

                        Sit!

                                    Sit!

And we loved it,

Without that misfit.

 

And then

My phone made a beep!

How that beep made us leap!

 

We looked!

It was a message from that Prat!

We looked!

And we read it!

From the Sleuth in the Hat!

And it said to us,

“Why do you sit there like that?”

 

“I know it is quiet

And I know it is calm.

But Molly has

A dead body we can embalm.”

 

“Or I know some good games we could play.”

Said that Prat.

“We could insult people for kicks,”

Said the Sleuth in the Hat.

“We could learn how to pick locks with chopsticks.

We could go to Westminster and stage a coup,

Please come and join me,

We’ll have so much fun if you do.”

 

Then Greg and I

Did not know what to say.

We had hoped to stay in the pub

For the day.

 

Then Mycroft appears “No! No”

We are not having a coup today!

Tell that Sleuth in the Hat

To just stay away.

He should not be there.”

He said with a shout.

“He should not be there,

Don’t be his lookout!”

 

Then in walks that Sleuth,

“Have no fear!” said that Prat.

“My schemes aren’t all bad.”

Said the Sleuth in the Hat.

“Oh we can think

Of lots of good plans if you wish.”

And he came to sit down

Giving his coat a big swish!

 

“I must leave.” said Mycroft.

“And you must behave”

“I must leave.” said Mycroft

“And a promise I crave.”

 

“Have no fear.” said the Prat

“I’ll make no trouble at all.

We could all get dressed up

and attend a posh ball.

I will deduce all the guests!

They will all love my hat!

We will all have such fun!”

Said the Sleuth in the Hat…

 

“Look at me!

Look at me now!” said the man

“I’ve got seven eyeballs

I’ve got a new plan!

We can cut up the eyeballs

I can insult Mycroft!

His hair it is thinning!

His tummy is soft!

And look!

His nose is big and his penis is small!

But that is not all!

Oh no,

That is not all…”

 

“Look at me!

Look at me!

Look at me now!

I’ve got a gun to have fun

But you have to know how.

I can shoot up the bar,

I can make a mass panic!

I can smash all the glasses!

The mess is gigantic!

I can climb on the bar,

And open the till!

And look with my brain

I can catch a con man!

I can see every detail of his plan,

And I will chase him down the hall!

But that is not all.

Oh, no.

That is not all…”

 

That is what the detective said…

And then he was punched in the head!

He came down with a bump

Right there in the hall

And Greg and I,

We saw that idiot fall!

 

And Mycroft came back,

He looked at that clot!

He said “Do I like this?

Oh no! I do not.

This is not tolerable”

Said Mycroft with wit

“No I do not like it,

Not one little bit!”

 

“Now look what you did.”

Said Mycroft to the prat.

“Now look at this pub!

Look at this! Look at that!

You let go of that con man.

You lost track of that fake.

You shot up this pub,

and every glass you did break.

You should not be here,

Let me end this plot.

You get out of this pub!”

Said Mycroft the Despot.

 

“But I like to be here.

Oh, I like it a lot!”

Said the Sleuth in the Hat

To Mycroft the Despot.

“I will not go away.

I do not wish to go!

And so,” said the Sleuth in the Hat,

“So

            so

                        so…

I will show you

Another good game that I know!”

 

And with his phone out

He placed a call

The Sleuth in the Hat

Down the phone he did drawl.

 

And then they came in,

The police from the yard.

“Now we can play.”

Said the detective,

Pulling out a score card.

 

Then he stood up,

With a tip of his hat

“I call this game Fools-in-a-Pub,”

Said the Prat

“In this room are two things

I will show to you now,

You will like these two things.”

Said the Man with a bow.

 

“I will call them by name,

You will see something ensue.

Two things. And I call them

Thing One and Thing Two.

These Things will not solve this.

Brains they have none.”

Then into the room

Came Thing Two and Thing One!

And they ran to us fast.

They said, “What did Freak do?

Please won’t you tell us?

We’re Anderson and Donovan too.”

 

And Greg and I

Did not know what to do.

So we had to greet them,

Thing One and Thing Two.

We showed them the mayhem.

But Mycroft said, “No! No!

Those Things should not be

In the Pub! Make them go!”

 

“They should not be here,

I am solving this plot!

Put them out! Or they’ll wreck it”

Said Mycroft the Despot.

 

“Have no fear, little Mycroft,”

Said the Sleuth in the Hat.

“These Things will not wreck.”

But the response fell flat.

“They are useless and stupid!

They have come to display

All of their ineptitude

On this dull boring day.”

 

“Now here is a game that they like.”

Said the Man.

“They like to solve crimes.”

Said the Man with the Plan.

 

“No! Not in this pub!”

Said Mycroft the Despot,

“They should not solve this crime

In this pub! They should not!

Oh, the clues they will ruin!

Oh, why won’t they quit!

Oh, I do not like it!

Not one little bit!”

 

Thing Two and Thing One!

They went up! They went down!

Destroying the evidence,

The perp is right across town!

And we’ll never catch him,

With all the leads dead.

“I’ll score them down for that.”

The Detective said.

 

Then those Things ran about

With scowls, grumps and moans,

And with lots of loud insults

And chats on their phones.

And I said

“I do not like the way that they play!

Oh how can we fix this,

It will take us all day!”

 

The Mycroft said “Look! Look!”

And the man shook with fear.

“Moriarty is coming!

Do you hear?

Oh, what will he do to us?

What will he say?

The case is all lost now.

Who will save us this day?”

 

“So, do something! Fast!” said Mycroft

“Do you hear?

I saw him. Moriarty!

Moriarty is near!

So as fast as you can,

Without more ado,

You will have to get rid of

Thing One and Thing Two.”

 

So, as fast as I could

Without breaking a sweat

I said “Don’t you fret,

We can get him I bet.

I bet us quartet

Can catch that crook yet!”

 

Then with no regret

Those two noses I did bop

And I had them! At Last!

Those two Things had to stop.

Then I said to that Sleuth

“Now you do as I say.

You give them the evidence

And you send them away!”

 

“Oh dear!” said the Sleuth.

“You did not like our game…

Oh dear.

What a shame!

            Moriarty will aim!

                        And then he will maim!

 

Then he picked up the Things

Who were now on the floor.

And he talked to them quickly

And pushed them out the door.

 

“That is good,” said Mycroft,

“They have gone away. Yes.

But Moriarty will come

He will find this big mess!

And this case is so big

And it involves us all.

We must take care

Or else Sherlock may fall!”

 

And THEN!

Who was looking about?

Why, that Prat!

“Have no fear of this case,”

Said the Sleuth in the Hat.

“I always clear up all my undertakings

And so…

I will show you another

Good trick that I know!”

 

Then we saw him pick up

All the clues with a frown.

He picked up his coat,

And Mycroft did stare down.

And the till, and the money,

And the books he did brandish.

And then they did bicker,

They are really childish.

And they went to leave us,

Then he said “That is that.”

And then they were gone,

With a tip of his hat.

 

Then Moriarty came in,

And he said to us two,

“Shall we have lots of fun?

Tell me. What shall we do?”

 

And Greg and I did not know

What to say.

Should we tell him,

That we would catch him that day?

 

Should we tell him about it?

No I don’t think so.

Well…

Then Sherlock came in with a bow,

And shot Moriarty, with an arrow!

**Author's Note:**

> Well, there we go. Hopefully it was vaguely entertaining, I think the rhymes mostly work. I hope you enjoyed Mycroft as the fish, I kept picturing the fish from the book wearing a suit and with an umbrella.
> 
> This book is a lot longer than I realised when I decided to do this, but I hope you enjoyed it x
> 
>  
> 
> This was inspired by The Sherlock in the Hat by ChrisCalledMeSweetie


End file.
